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what is a transition anyway?

I have been thinking about that. About who is there inside me.

Do I have an obligation to represent that person?

Or is it just a private hidden thing?

You know how when you speak you are the only one who can hear your voice from inside you? I sound to myself so different than the way I sound to other people.

And when I listen to a recorded me there is a betrayal, something wrong, my voice is not like that! Ha!

Do I long for others to hear me, as I am? Yes. Sometimes I feel lonely in my own uniqueness. I like to share myself. But not for approval, but rather for the solo act of sharing. To enjoy myself with another. No shame, no apologies.

So as a visual artist, I think--ok, no problem, just give me some materials and I can put together anything.

But what happens when your body is the material? and intertwined with cells and all the stuff that makes it is other people's idea of what it should look like. Millions and Millions of people out there with a pretty firm idea of what they want to see.

So transition, from what to what? From what know I am to what I will show the world I am. Will I pass? When I am done will I approve? Give myself the "PASSING" seal of approval?

What if the way I see myself changes, and why wouldn't it? Then I keep transitioning?

Is that what I am doing? trying to pass over and over and over?

Comments

quirkism
Jul. 25th, 2008 04:52 am (UTC)
So transition, from what to what? From what know I am to what I will show the world I am. Will I pass? When I am done will I approve? Give myself the "PASSING" seal of approval?

What if the way I see myself changes, and why wouldn't it? Then I keep transitioning?

Is that what I am doing? trying to pass over and over and over?


This is exactly why I dislike the word, "transition," or, at least, why I dislike it for myself-- it implies a set beginning and ending point, as if I should WANT to reach some point of stasis (when, honestly, I can't imagine many things more terrifying than ceasing to change...)

One of the things I wrestle with in my current performance piece, no doubt...

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