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what is a transition anyway?

I have been thinking about that. About who is there inside me.

Do I have an obligation to represent that person?

Or is it just a private hidden thing?

You know how when you speak you are the only one who can hear your voice from inside you? I sound to myself so different than the way I sound to other people.

And when I listen to a recorded me there is a betrayal, something wrong, my voice is not like that! Ha!

Do I long for others to hear me, as I am? Yes. Sometimes I feel lonely in my own uniqueness. I like to share myself. But not for approval, but rather for the solo act of sharing. To enjoy myself with another. No shame, no apologies.

So as a visual artist, I think--ok, no problem, just give me some materials and I can put together anything.

But what happens when your body is the material? and intertwined with cells and all the stuff that makes it is other people's idea of what it should look like. Millions and Millions of people out there with a pretty firm idea of what they want to see.

So transition, from what to what? From what know I am to what I will show the world I am. Will I pass? When I am done will I approve? Give myself the "PASSING" seal of approval?

What if the way I see myself changes, and why wouldn't it? Then I keep transitioning?

Is that what I am doing? trying to pass over and over and over?

Happy Birthday NErdy Mutt

Hey nerd_dog, I hope many more years of fun and happiness . Not to mention robots.


Proud mama

I am happy to announce the new member of our family.

My watering can had a cute baby last night. Mother and baby are doing fine.

here are some picts.



what have I done for money?

Typesetter,pasteup, copywriter, designer,cleaning person, bar back, bar tender, coat check, busperson, waitress, Building superintendent, baby sitter, caretaker for an elderly lady, sales person for a time share, sales person / gold bars, private investigator photographer, house painter, house plumber(no license, oops), barista, prep chef..I am not sure if I did anythnig else.

missing blue

Missing someone is sometimes very hard and I try to realign my emotions always in a positive way. Thinking about Blue, my beloved dog who died in September is hard. But I have to keep remembering how much fun we had together. How beautiful he was, and how very unique he was.

IF only...

posting from IM, a test

This is my first post to live journal, but as a complete geek i decided to test the waters by posting from IM. HOpe it works.